There is so much to do but there’s so much in my mind and heart that I just need to sit down and write first. Otherwise my heart would burst from the weight of this “unnameable” thing inside of me. This has to be put into words…and set free.
Let me start with last night…
Last night as I was sitting in the STEFTI Auditorium trying to listen to Fr. Gil’s formation lesson on the last Sacrament (Catholics have seven sacraments to go through or fulfill) a kaleidoscope of lifetime memories kept blurring my view of this saintly priest. As usual he was the Fr. Gil I know, so convinced of what he teaches which leaves one no choice but to believe him.
In spite of his passionate discussion of the Sacrament for the dying which used to be called “the Extreme Unction” (sounds frightening for me), my hands itched to write. Maybe partly because I did not want to hear any of this for it reminds me of Nanay (Mother) in her last moments in the ICU being anointed by a priest. The memory tears at my heart.
So I decided to write, anyway he’d think I was simply taking notes of the lesson tonight.
In the subtlest of motions I could muster, I opened my purse and searched for my pen with my hands (my eyes had to be on Fr. Gil). I did find my pen (elation!) but my small notebook was not in there . And no loose sheets either(dismay!).
It was quite frustrating not to be able to jot down what was going on in my mind. I guess Fr. Gil prayed harder than usual for people to really focus on his formation lesson tonight. So I did listen. The writing task at hand, a homework!
I listened so well that I ended up queuing to receive the last Sacrament, the Anointing of the Sick. I was among the few “not so old” people in line, the rest were elders in the community and the sickly ones.
I just had the Last Sacrament and Fr. Gil administered it! I could not believe it!
He blessed me and invoked God to forgive all my sins (There are so many, oh God!) and by His loving mercy and grace be helped and saved. It actually happened this way:
The priest anointed my forehead and hands with the blessed oil,
saying: THROUGH THIS HOLY ANOINTING MAY THE LORD IN HIS
LOVE AND MERCY HELP YOU WITH THE GRACE OF THE HOLY
Did I feel like dying already? Oh no! It was a holy moment for me and it was beautiful! I rose from the dead! (I’ll write more about this in another post.)I felt more alive than ever!
I was forgiven. Embraced by God. Renewed. Resurrected!
It was 9:30 at night, we had to eat dinner yet but I did not feel hungry.
We went downtown to buy Marlon’s medicines.
We got home at 10:00 in the evening and ate light dinner.
Oh the lessons from my childhood that I had to write? Still unwritten!
I went to bed and slept the sweetest sleep I had in a long long while.